ha, just got caught again.... but this time it was waaay worse. I snuck out with my dad's car to go across town, and I come back home forgetting what I had put in the trunk... a half case of beer, and a huge ass bong. My dad set his hands on me... again... i threatened to call the cops.. again... and now things are quiet. I tried running away, but this time with shit packed as if I were to never come back....
my mom found me walking on a major street... which was a dumbass move of me. FUCK!
i don't know what to do.... I want to grow up and make bank, and be somebody... but I want to live my life as well. I don't want to be living the life my parents want me to live. I'm sick of this shit.... I want to run but then again how am i going to survive? and I know my mom is already depressed.. me leaving might end her life... idkidkdidkdidkdidkdidkdk..... someone help me.. because i already prayed to "god" and he never answered.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
It's been too long.
So I haven't been on here in a long ass time.... I've been caught up with so many thingsss it's crazy. Life is hectic as usual... My days are pretty much spent with constant yelling, and monotonous conversations about how I'm a failure to my parents eyes. I've been getting in a lot of trouble lately.... I got caught smoking herb, cigarettes, sneaking out to a motel, and the list goes on. Ever since... I don't feel very welcome in my house. My parents are trying to let everything go, but shit like that stays with you for a long ass time. I feel like I'm living a lie... I'm everything my parents don't want me to be. I feel like running away from my problems... but where can I go? I'm not depressed, or have any psychological problems... I'm just stuck. I need to go somewhere where I can just be me. Somewhere I can just breath and live without having to worry about living up to someone's expectations. I want to be free. No one understands what it's like, no matter how much I explain. The constant stress I have everyday is slowly killing me inside. When is it going to end? I really don't know, but I can't wait for that day.... I put on a fake smile every morning so my little brothers don't have to see what I'm going through. I'd give my life for them. They are the only reason that I'm still living here. I don't know what I would do knowing that my brothers are wondering where their sissy is.... I'm not going to leave because I'm going to protect them. I'm going to make sure they don't ever have to go through what I did. Not even the deepest wound will make me leave their side.... I'm scared, I'm lost, and I need someone's help... but it seems like all lifelines are gone.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Hm.
Fuck it- Eamon
^ That song is really how I feel right now.
I always keep thoughts to myself, and I tend to bottle up my emotions... but this time I've decided to vent on this.
I trusted this person, I loved this person, I cared for this person.
and all this person wanted was to use me.
I've truly never have felt this way before. I have never fallen for someone like this, so fast. This has been one of the first times I have ever listened to my heart, rather then using my head, and taking the safe route. It felt refreshing, and liberating.... but that all ended shortly.
I have yet to learn. People warned me about this person, people told me to be careful... but I wasn't. Now I'm hurt, and alone. It's really quite fascinating how such a silly little thing called love can do to one's head. I always have been a stable person, and once I let go of the reins... things got out of control.
I want this person back, I want this person to know how I feel... I want to know how that person feels inside, and if that person wants things to work out.
I don't know why I feel this way. I yell at myself to stop, but finally for the first time... my heart has won the fight.... and it is my heart that will ultimately die in the end.
^ That song is really how I feel right now.
I always keep thoughts to myself, and I tend to bottle up my emotions... but this time I've decided to vent on this.
I trusted this person, I loved this person, I cared for this person.
and all this person wanted was to use me.
I've truly never have felt this way before. I have never fallen for someone like this, so fast. This has been one of the first times I have ever listened to my heart, rather then using my head, and taking the safe route. It felt refreshing, and liberating.... but that all ended shortly.
I have yet to learn. People warned me about this person, people told me to be careful... but I wasn't. Now I'm hurt, and alone. It's really quite fascinating how such a silly little thing called love can do to one's head. I always have been a stable person, and once I let go of the reins... things got out of control.
I want this person back, I want this person to know how I feel... I want to know how that person feels inside, and if that person wants things to work out.
I don't know why I feel this way. I yell at myself to stop, but finally for the first time... my heart has won the fight.... and it is my heart that will ultimately die in the end.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
First Blog
As my first blog I would like to do more of an introductory, rather then a jump start to an event in my life.
Hm, where to start? Well first off, my name is Christina Mihee Hwang. Born Augsut 26 1994, in Roswell. (People call me an alien baby)
I attend Coronado High School, and I have a great interest for creative writing, blogging, etc.
I'm not your typical teenager, but when I say this... I truly mean it. I view the world with the eyes not of a 15 year old, but with the eyes of a critical thinker. Life to me is not so simple. Everyday I wake up thinking about the simplicit yet abstract ways of this mystery.
Where did all this come from? Is there really life after death? This questions haunt me every night before I go to sleep. My mind is always full of these puzzling questions, that really have no answer.
For a more in-depth understanding of what bothers me, I guess I'll just start rambling on about some things I often ponder about.
-Society=Brainwashed?
Are we simply a sims game for a higher race of organisms?
How is it that we are all brain washed to live life a certain way. Everyone is on the same path, and once someone strays they are automatically looked down upon. Who are you to tell me that what I'm doing is wrong? I'm not that strong of a believer, but I stick true to the saying "Only God can judge me."
Originality is not favorable anymore to the people of this generation, but to be honest.... when was it ever? There is no such thing as originality. A person may be considered as unique, but their personality developed with what they're environment consisted of. Other people's personalities and characterstics are unconsciously mixed with our own thoughts to create the person we are today. I really don't know if that made sense or not, but it did in my head.
We all are followers of something.... but what?
To sum it up:
The life we live is a mystery, that will forever be unsolved.
These questions, are ones that I wish people had an answer for... but sadly there is NO true answer. Oh well, it keeps me on my feet. I get up in the morning to see what life has in store for me, without questions, life would be boring. There would be no purpose to anything.
Hm, where to start? Well first off, my name is Christina Mihee Hwang. Born Augsut 26 1994, in Roswell. (People call me an alien baby)
I attend Coronado High School, and I have a great interest for creative writing, blogging, etc.
I'm not your typical teenager, but when I say this... I truly mean it. I view the world with the eyes not of a 15 year old, but with the eyes of a critical thinker. Life to me is not so simple. Everyday I wake up thinking about the simplicit yet abstract ways of this mystery.
Where did all this come from? Is there really life after death? This questions haunt me every night before I go to sleep. My mind is always full of these puzzling questions, that really have no answer.
For a more in-depth understanding of what bothers me, I guess I'll just start rambling on about some things I often ponder about.
-Society=Brainwashed?
Are we simply a sims game for a higher race of organisms?
How is it that we are all brain washed to live life a certain way. Everyone is on the same path, and once someone strays they are automatically looked down upon. Who are you to tell me that what I'm doing is wrong? I'm not that strong of a believer, but I stick true to the saying "Only God can judge me."
Originality is not favorable anymore to the people of this generation, but to be honest.... when was it ever? There is no such thing as originality. A person may be considered as unique, but their personality developed with what they're environment consisted of. Other people's personalities and characterstics are unconsciously mixed with our own thoughts to create the person we are today. I really don't know if that made sense or not, but it did in my head.
We all are followers of something.... but what?
To sum it up:
The life we live is a mystery, that will forever be unsolved.
These questions, are ones that I wish people had an answer for... but sadly there is NO true answer. Oh well, it keeps me on my feet. I get up in the morning to see what life has in store for me, without questions, life would be boring. There would be no purpose to anything.
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